Liam Joseph Kozell | Birth Story

It's funny that at 40 weeks and 6 days Liam's arrival was still a surprise.

On Monday, March 30, 2015, Brian and I went to my prenatal appointment to schedule my induction. I was still zero centimeters dilated. My body and our baby were both content with staying pregnant. My OB practice doesn't let you go past 41 weeks which I would have been on Wednesday, April 1st. Brian and I had talked before the appointment and decided that if we were given the option, we would want to be induced on either the 31st or April 1st. Our wedding anniversary is December 1st so we thought it would be neat for Liam's birthday to be on the 1st. Even if the 1st was April Fool's Day. No one would have believed us when we announced he was born!

My 40 weeks picture that I never got around to sharing.

Liam had his own plans, of course. Our appointment was at 2:50pm. The doctor gave us the option to check into the hospital at 4pm on the 30th {that day!} or the 31st. Cue the deer in headlights looks from both of us! We picked the 31st as we would of had to go to the hospital right from the doctor's office. We had big plans that day. Most importantly, it was Brian's 30th birthday! We had a list of last minute errands and plans to have a birthday dinner with Brian's mom. Brian didn't think we had time to enjoy his birthday and that we just needed to get things done. Surprisingly, I was more calm once we actually had a plan. If I had known that I would go to 40 weeks 6 days I surely would have been more relaxed {not totally relaxed} for the weeks leading up to my due date. Every morning for the last couple weeks I would think to myself, Is today going to be the day? The doctor scheduled us to check in at the hospital at 4pm the next day. All that was left was to monitor Liam's heartbeat for 20 minutes to make sure everything was all good. We had had an ultrasound three days earlier on Friday, March 27th that showed that my fluids were good and baby was good. We didn't even think twice that there could be an issue. We were surprised when the doctor came back and said that it looked like Liam's heart rate was dipping below his baseline a couple of times. Due to that and how far along I was, the doctor told us we were going to the hospital that day. Wait, what?! The doctor told Brian to take me straight to the hospital to get checked in since it would be after 4pm and then he could go home for our hospital bags. He also had to take the dogs to Doggie Daycare where they would stay until we came home and got settled. It was pretty surreal. We called our moms on the way to the hospital to see if one or both of them could come sit with me while Brian went to get everything we needed done. Of course, I got nervous. I lost my calmness real quick. I remember my hand was shaking while filling out paperwork at the hospital. Brian stayed with me until my mom showed up. Then he was off. Brian's mom showed up shortly thereafter. I can only imagine what that time was like for him, rushing around. I think we both were in shock that this was finally happening.

Brian returned and our moms left. I didn't want anybody else with us at the hospital at that point. I got worried because I did not eat much that day. I slept in, made banana pancakes and planned to eat something after the doctor's appointment to hold me over until Brian's birthday dinner. I thought that I wouldn't be able to eat until after Liam was born! Luckily, I was allowed to eat a sandwich and an apple. It was the most basic sandwich, just meat and bread. It was delicious! The funny part is when you are pregnant you are not supposed to have deli meat so Brian went to ask the nurse if I could have the sandwich. If I remember correctly he came back and said that they looked at him like he had two heads and said of course I could eat it. Apparently, the rules don't apply when you're about to give birth. So in that case, where was my stiff drink?! Kidding! Sort of. I asked the nurse for some idea of when Liam would be born. She was hesitant to say anything which I understand but said most likely afternoon/evening of the next day.

{Our last photo before we became parents and a family of three!}

This is the point of no return. Things could will get graphic or TMI from here. ;)

Around 10 p.m. the doctor started me on a medication to soften my cervix. I was told I might have some cramping like a period but that I was to sleep and rest up for when the real work started in the morning. I was told I could have IV pain medication if needed and that I had to be around 4 cm to get an epidural. I was scheduled to start pitocin at 7 a.m. I did not have any sort of birth plan other than I knew I wanted an epidural when the time came. We started watching TV and shortly thereafter Brian blacked out fell asleep in his broken chair-bed. Surprise, surprise. I couldn't sleep. Around midnight, I was on my phone when I started experiencing "cramps" that would put me in the fetal position {Ha ha?} and made it hard to breathe. I remember being so confused because according to what I was told by the nurse it was not supposed to be that painful yet. The nurse came in and told me I should hold out as long as possible because the IV pain medication works best the first time. If I understood correctly, it loses its effectiveness with each subsequent dose. I honestly think the nurse thought I had no pain tolerance because I remember her saying again that I should go to sleep. There was no way I was sleeping through that pain. I started timing how far apart the pain was from when it stopped and started again. The longest I got was 3 minutes with a lot of the breaks being 30 seconds to a minute. At this point I woke up Brian. I think it was around 1 a.m. but it's a bit hazy. In hindsight, I was having contractions. 

I'm not sure of the time but I finally received IV pain medication once the pain became too intense. It helped at first. The pain wasn't as bad. The pain meds doped me right up. I was pretty out of it so Brian filled in some of the blanks. I have hazy memories of saying completely bizarre things like "we have to go to China" and "don't eat the babies." I was aware, at times, that I was saying weird things. I remember saying, "Did I just say we shouldn't eat babies?!" Other things I don't have any recollection of saying like when Brian asked me if he could go lay down for a few minutes as I kept falling asleep when I wasn't having a contraction. I responded by telling him he could go to North Carolina as long as he brought back hot sauce. It was definitely a strange few hours. Once the first dose started wearing off, the pain increased and I was given another dose. This time the medication did not take away the contraction pain but I was so drugged up that I would pass out fall asleep whenever I wasn't having a contraction. This was not fun because the hours just felt like one giant contraction. Anytime I was awake, I was holding onto the side of the bed, curled up and feeling unable to catch my breath. I would tell Brian I needed to pee and by the time he got me disconnected from the monitors to move around the room and my IV cart ready I would have another contraction and then fall asleep. It is a little comical looking back at it. At that point in the night, I was still thinking that I hadn't even gone into labor yet so I was feeling very panicked. The nurse checked me a couple of times through the night and I was still not dilating at this point.

My water broke when the nurse checked me around 6 a.m. however I was still not even 1 cm dilated. I was in so much pain that the nurse got permission from the doctor to give me an epidural early. You may think that you request an epidural and it gets done right away but there is a process. They had to start by giving me 2 bags of fluids to help make sure my blood pressure didn't drop too low (I think). It takes time for the stuff to be prepped and the anesthesiologist to be notified. There was talk of not giving me Pitocin to see if I would progress on my own after my water broke. Sometime around 7:30 a.m. I was given the smallest dose of pitocin. I was still waiting for my epidural when the pain of the contractions started to intensify. I had read that Pitocin could do that. Shortly thereafter, I told the nurse that I was feeling nauseous and like I NEEDED to push. All this time I was thinking, how am I going to do this for hours?! The nurse had said he wouldn't come until the afternoon to evening time. It was 8 in the morning. After what felt like eternity, the nurse checked me around 8 a.m. and announced that I was fully dilated! She also said that I would most likely be unable to have an epidural now. What?! I was like a deer in headlights. All I ever "planned" for was an epidural. I basically checked in and requested it. The anesthesiologist came in and confirmed what the nurse had said. Basically, if I got it then it would actually slow down my progress and by that point I was just ready to have our baby. The woman said to Brian, "At least she'll have bragging rights." to which he replied, I think she'd rather have the epidural. The doctor left the room and our nurse said, I think she was kidding. It's actually funny to think back on now.

On top of everything else the doctor wasn't even at the hospital yet due to shift changes. Nobody expected me to be having our baby that early. The nurse got us all ready for delivery.  With Brian holding one of my legs, she had me start pushing. After what seemed like only 3 pushes, the nurse said she could see hair. She told Brian to look and I think it his delivery room daze he just obeyed the nurse's orders. He was so good at being supportive and doing whatever was asked of him. Everything seemed like it happened so fast. The nurse ended up telling me to stop pushing because Liam was about to beat the doctor into the room! Once the doctor arrived, it was showtime. I don't think I can put childbirth into words. It is definitely one of the hardest if not the hardest thing I have ever done. I just remember being so focused on getting him out as quickly as possible. I remember it being hard to push for as long as the doctor was telling me to. I remember it was harder to catch my breath in between pushes. I remember the episiotomy. I also had a fourth degree tear. All without an epidural. Let me tell you, bragging rights don't make that feel better! Next thing I knew, they were placing Liam on my chest. I just remember him feeling so warm and heavy. Of course, it was one of the best moment of our lives. He was finally here. Liam Joseph Kozell was born at 9:05 a.m. weighing 8 pounds 14 ounces and 20 inches long. He had a good amount of blonde hair and blue eyes.

UPDATE: I should round out the story by saying that Brian cut the umbilical cord like a champ. He didn't know how he would feel about cutting something connecting his wife and his newborn son but he did it. It would be fun to get his take on Liam's birth because it would be an entirely different perspective. In my mind, he stayed so calm and he was really my rock when I was scared and in the worst pain of my life. He stayed by my side as the doctor stitched me up. Witnessing him hold our son for the first time is one of my favorite memories ever. Looking back, I wish we took pictures right after Liam was born but that wasn't our priority. It was nice to be in the moment and enjoy it however it is such a blur that it would be neat to look back at it now. I don't think we took our first picture until the afternoon.

I really liked the doctor who delivered Liam. Funny enough, we had only met him the day before and he was the one who sent me to the hospital. Afterwards, Brian told me he thought I pushed for an hour. It felt like 30 minutes and maybe 10 pushes and Liam was born. It amazes me how my brain had already distorted the reality of childbirth. I had always heard women say that once you see your baby you forget all about the pain. Well, I don't know about forget but it certainly doesn't feel so traumatizing thinking back to the whirlwind of Liam's birth.

I was SO swollen after delivering Liam due to all the fluids they pumped into me for that epidural that I never got. How annoying is that?! ;)

It has taken me four and a half months to get this typed up. It feels so long ago now that I reread it. There are details that are already fuzzy so I am so happy I have this to remember such a special day. The good, the bad and the life changing! We didn't tell our family and friends Liam's name until he was born.